diamonds are 4ever, but they make me cry
Originally uploaded by bye bye オモイデ
Thank you to bye-bye-omoide for sharing this picture on Flickr.
I am in that place where I try to decide if it is better to fight my illness or to submit to it and just adjust. I look back over this blog, and see the many times I thought that healing was beginning, when it wasn't. Small improvements have come, but much remains the same as when this all began.
I am reminded of this passage from Mosiah 24:
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
These people were promised deliverance, and it came to them, in time. I know that deliverance will come to me, as well. I just don't know when, or if it will be in this life, or the next.
In the mean time, I do my best to "submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."
It seems strange to talk about being cheerful when my problem is unrelenting depression, but, somehow, it resonates. In the area of trusting in the wisdom of the Lord in all of this, I do, somehow, feel a measure of good cheer.
I believe that, when all is said and done, this is a time to submit and keep on pressing forward in spite of burdens. The Lord is, indeed, doing great things to make my burdens lighter, through a loving family most of all. Even though these present burdens are not yet removed from my shoulders, He is sustaining me.
I feel His love and approval every day, and that makes all the difference.
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3 comments:
I have been impressed today with a feeling of calm and peace that all is working out the way it needs to and that the Lord is directing things. I was actually thinking about you and Ethan and the timing of his birth when I had that feeling this morning. Heavenly Father is very aware of us and our choices and what we need.
I think you have made improvement the last month or so. You may not see it, but I see less manic and depressed and more balanced. I see more peace in your eyes lately. I think you are making improvements and you don't even know it.
Just give it up...let the burden go and stop worrying about being something other than you are. The Lord DOES accept you, and so do others. You don't have to fit any mold and you don't have to worry about "fighting" illness. You are what you are, your brain chemistry is what it is, and things will work out.
You are right, you will be healed and released from this when the time is right. Just keep pressing on.
I love you very much. You are a wonderful grandmother, an awesome mom, and a great friend. What more could you possibly want from yourself?
DID YOU HEAR THE TALK on hope...i hope dan can here it later...he was building a shelf for his mom while the talk was on...HOPE, hope, hope....dan needs to hear it....dispells fear....i have fear of college, my job, death, not paying tiths, my wife, spending too much money, going broke, starving, offending so i go to hell, not being forgiven by my family for offending them
DID YOU HEAR THE TALK on hope...i hope dan can here it later...he was building a shelf for his mom while the talk was on...HOPE, hope, hope....dan needs to hear it....dispells fear....i have fear of college, my job, death, not paying tiths, my wife, spending too much money, going broke, starving, offending so i go to hell, not being forgiven by my family for offending them
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