Maybe you will roll your eyes and say, "Oh really. What's next with this screwball?"
The thing is, I took this test today and got a score of forty.
It is not a pleasant thing to have a brain that can't be trusted.
How much walking would you do if you knew that at any moment your legs would buckle under you and you would crash to the ground? You would probably avoid walking in public at all. Of course, there are walkers and wheelchairs for that sort of an impairment.
Not so with mental illness.
So I think that I have some great new insights!
So I think that I am uber capable and creative!
So I think that I am headed into a permanent state of good health!
And then a dear one alerts me that I am--once again--manic.
Is it any wonder that I am afraid to use my mind, when it is so shaky and capable of sending me crashing at any time?
So I am retreating again to what I know:
Jesus loves me and died for me.
I love my family and I am loved in return.
I can make quilts.
These are about all the things I feel I can trust to be true right now. Right now, I think that they are enough.
Thanks for listening.
This is the best description of my own Bipolar II symptoms which I have found to date. Here is the link to the full article. (To my loved ones: please be aware that I am on several helpful medications. I am not feeling suicidal.)
Hypomanic Episodes: Hypomania is a mild version of mania where the symptoms are the same [as bipolar I] but are less intense – they only need to last four days and do not significantly impair a person’s functioning. Many people find they are more productive and have positive social interactions when hypomanic. Others find that although a single hypomanic episode does not cause much impairment, repeated episodes negatively affect finances, social relationships, and/or work performance.
Major Depressive Episodes (MDEs): Depression is the down state when people feel sad or blue, or simply cannot enjoy anything. This state tends to be characterized by changes in sleep, appetite and weight, energy, and cognitive (thinking) abilities. People may feel worthless and guilty, and may consider suicide.
Major depressive episode is defined as a period of at least two weeks with five or more of the following symptoms:
o Depressed mood and/or anhedonia (an inability to take pleasure in things, or greatly diminished interest in activities usually enjoyed)
o A decrease or increase in appetite; weight loss or gain
o Sleep disturbance (insomnia or hypersomnia)
o Feeling physically slowed down or physically restless
o Fatigue or loss of energy
o Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
o Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
o Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide