Closed for the Day

morning glory flower, unopened, originally uploaded by Martin LaBar.

I am able to get out now much more than I have in a long time, but I still have a toll to pay afterwards.

Yesterday I had a root canal performed in my mouth in the morning and in the afternoon I attended a memorial service and saw many dear old friends.

Today I am like our backyard Morning Glories on a cloudy day: simply closed up for a while.

Still His Lamb

365/106 Lamb, originally uploaded by justmakeit.

This picture illustrates how I am feeling of late. I am still His lamb, but in a pen, waiting for a wider pasture. I know that I am loved and that nourishment is coming. But all is not well.

I have loved ones who talk with me from outside the wire, but I am longing to have a friend who can fellowship with me from the inside. Is it you? Do you understand what I am going through? Will you visit with me?

Let's discuss how to be friends from both sides of this barrier of mental dis-ease, shall we? I would sure appreciate it.

Why Know?

No Going Back, originally uploaded by Mariano Kamp.

I found this list on the Internet today, and it really resonated for me. The article is called "Top Ten Reasons for Adults to Seek an Asperger Syndrome Diagnosis."

Do you see yourself in this list, too?

More from Stomp the Stigma

God is Love

This little video expresses my feelings about God better than anything I've found for a long time. Thank you, Kate, for sharing it. (Moms beware: there is a little cursing here.)

This will make you cry.

Last Minutes with ODEN from phos pictures on Vimeo.

A New View of Oz

"Well, one day I went up in a balloon and the ropes got twisted, so that I couldn't come down again. It went way up above the clouds, so far that a current of air struck it and carried it many, many miles away. For a day and a night I traveled through the air, and on the morning of the second day I awoke and found the balloon floating over a strange and beautiful country.

"It came down gradually, and I was not hurt a bit. But I found myself in the midst of a strange people, who, seeing me come from the clouds, thought I was a great Wizard. Of course I let them think so, because they were afraid of me, and promised to do anything I wished them to.

"Just to amuse myself, and keep the good people busy, I ordered them to build this City, and my palace; and they did it all willingly and well. Then I thought, as the country was so green and beautiful, I would call it the Emerald City, and to make the name fit better I put green spectacles on all the people, so that everything they saw was green."

"But isn't everything here green?" asked Dorothy.

"No more than in any other city," replied Oz; "but when you wear green spectacles, why of course everything you see looks green to you. The Emerald City was built a great many years ago, for I was a young man when the balloon brought me here, and I am a very old man now. But my people have worn green glasses on their eyes so long that most of them think it really is an Emerald City . . . "(--The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum, Signet Classic, 1984, 157-58.)

I have been unwell for so long and not getting better. So, in some desperation, I finally dared to take off my green glasses and see things through pre-spectacled eyes. I was surprised at how immediately my recovery began. I feel happier than I have in a long, long time.

No offense to the wizard or hard-feelings towards the citizens of Oz, but--as much as I love green-- I'm liking the view much better now.

Photograph by D Sharon Pruitt at flickr.com.

Autism? Really?

Maybe you will roll your eyes and say, "Oh really. What's next with this screwball?"

The thing is, I took this test today and got a score of forty.

I also started on medication for my recently discovered hypothyroidism. New thinks to think.

A thank you to kevindooley for sharing this photo on flickr.

Feeling the Fool

Why are clowns so depressing?, originally uploaded by RobertFrancis.

It is not a pleasant thing to have a brain that can't be trusted.

How much walking would you do if you knew that at any moment your legs would buckle under you and you would crash to the ground? You would probably avoid walking in public at all. Of course, there are walkers and wheelchairs for that sort of an impairment.

Not so with mental illness.

So I think that I have some great new insights!
So I think that I am uber capable and creative!
So I think that I am headed into a permanent state of good health!

And then a dear one alerts me that I am--once again--manic.

Is it any wonder that I am afraid to use my mind, when it is so shaky and capable of sending me crashing at any time?

So I am retreating again to what I know:
Jesus loves me and died for me.
I love my family and I am loved in return.
I can make quilts.

These are about all the things I feel I can trust to be true right now. Right now, I think that they are enough.

Thanks for listening.

Cana Island Lighthouse

Cana Island Lighthouse, originally uploaded by James Jordan.