Divine Design

"Now, as you and I look at our lives . . . , we sometimes do not understand that through which we are passing, but, being submissive, we can trust Him.

"The day will come, brothers and sisters, when the tapestry of your life will be unfolded, and you will see divine design all though it, and praise God for the experience and the tutoring which, in His goodness, He has given you"

(Neal A. Maxwell, "Willing to Submit" [address given at BYU-Hawaii devotional, 9 Feb. 1988, p.8).

A thank you to Whatknot for sharing this photo on flickr.

Like a Submissive Child

"Those who submit like a child do it because they know that the Father wants only the happiness of His children and that only He knows the way. That is the testimony we must have to keep praying like a submissive child, in the good times as well as the times of trouble.

"With that faith, we will be able to pray for what we want and appreciate whatever we get."

--Elder Henry B. Eyring of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in Conference Report, October 2001 or Ensign November 2001

With thanks to Collin Key for sharing this photo on flickr.

"Depression: They Just Don't Get It"

There is an excellent blog post today by Therese J. Borchard titled "Depression: They Just Don't Get It." Here is an excerpt:

"I was both enraged and saddened that friends and family were shocked to hear that two doctors sliced me open — before full anesthesia kicked in — to save little David’s life in an emergency C-section. Yet when I voiced the desperation of depression — which made the knife cut feel like a knee scratch — they often brushed it off, as if I were whining to win some undeserved sympathy votes.

But I should know better. Most people don’t get it. And the day I get that through my head I’ll be less disappointed."

See the full post here.

Photo by pulpolux.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways my ways, saith the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." --Isaiah 55:8-9

I am so thankful today to know that the Lord is mindful of my family and has a plan for our good.

My husband received difficult news yesterday:
As of May 22nd, we will join the ranks of the unemployed.

A thank you to James Jordan for sharing this photograph on flickr.

The Boat

Red Fishing Boat at Cape Croker, originally uploaded by Bobcatnorth.
I owned a little boat a while ago,
And sailed the morning sea without a fear,
And whither any breeze might fairly blow
I steered my little craft afar and near.

Mine was the boat
And mine the air,
And mine the sea,
Nor mine a care.

My boat became my place of mighty toil,
I sailed at evening to the fishing ground,
At morn my boat was freighted with the spoil
Which my all-conquering work had found.

Mine was the boat
And mine the net,
And mine the skill
And power to get.

One day there came along that silent shore,
While I my net was casting in the sea,
A Man who spoke as never man before.
I followed Him; new life began in me.

Mine was the boat,
But His the voice,
And His the call,
Yet mine the choice.

Ah! 'twas a fearful night out on the lake,
And all my skill availed not, at the helm,
Till Him asleep I waked, crying, "Take
Thou the helm--lest water overwhelm!"

And His the boat,
And His the sea,
And His the peace
O'er all and me.

Once from the boat He taught the curious throng
Then bade me cast my net into the sea;
I murmured but obeyed, nor was it long
Before the catch amazed and humbled me.

His was the boat,
And His the skill.
And His the catch,
And His my will.

"The Boat" by George Macdonald from The Master Library, Volume III, copyright 1927, by The Master Library Company, formerly The Foundation Press.

Photograph by Bobcatnorth.

Nine Minutes to Touch Your Heart

This is a video sent to me by my husband to brighten my day.
It worked.

I was particularly touched to see that the woman was wearing a hospital gown.

Creating

quilt thinking pinkly back, originally uploaded by DallanQuilts.

I have found the creative process to be an essential component in coping with mental illness. My particular choice of work allows me to accomplish the mentally creative and high-energy phase of a project when I am feeling well or manic, and a second, more peaceful phase when I am depressed.

My passion happens to be for making quilts which are finished by hand. A special fund of money has been set aside specifically for my projects. When I am feeling energized and bursting with ideas, I plan and purchase and expend the necessary energy required at the cutting table and sewing machine to satisfy the requirements of phase one of a quilt. In phase two I get to immerse myself in the rhythmic task of hand quilting a top to a batting and back. This part of the process can continue as I cycle into a period of depression. One characteristic of depression is the inability to make decisions. When I am hand-quilting, the only decision I need to make is where to begin with the next line of thread.

I am confident that there are many other creative outlets which also have this two-phase pattern. Knitting is an obvious one. Executing a woodworking project, with its second phase being hours of sanding, might be excellent, as would be planning and choosing colors followed by the sanding of a car prior to a new paint job. Choosing which picture to paint might satisfy the decision-making phase for some, while completing a paint-by-number, with all the choices of color and placement ready-made, might be very relaxing and helpful in a phase two quest for peace. I can also imagine great satisfaction in spending passionate days choosing and constructing fishing lures, to be followed by quiet, peaceful hours with a line in the water.

I highly recommend finding something creative to do. Put into your budget all the time and the money you can afford. Remember, the creative process aids in healing, and may be looked upon as a necessary medical expense. When one is already riddled with unjustified guilt, such a concept may make it easier to move forward and do the thing that you would truly love to do.

Chipping Away

Chipping away at the corner, originally uploaded by Underpuppy.

I learned long ago that it was not good for me try to stay with a job, uninterrupted, from beginning to end. I generally become very anxious, for example, if I attempt to put all the clothes away when they come out of the dryer. So, I chip away. It works much better for me to just throw things on the bed, then pick up an item or two, and put them away, each time I pass through the room. How much of this is due to Bipolar Disorder, or to ADD, which I also have, is a mystery to me. Perhaps you have an insight to share about this.

A benchmark for me as to how I am doing with healing, as a matter of fact, is whether or not I am able to unload the dishwasher entirely of its clean dishes in one standing.

What a treat it is when that happens.

Lately, my husband has been doing the dishwasher tasks a lot.

A thank you to Underpuppy for sharing this picture on flickr.

My Mind of Late

Devil Rock from Stefan on Vimeo.

I have so many thoughts that I can't think. The spinning keeps me in a stupor. Does anyone know what I mean?

This is my brain on mania.